“F–k the FBI and f–k all the army troops… fighting for what? B—h be your own man… I’ll be flying through the clouds with green like I’m Peter Pan.” – Soulja Boy

When I first watched this ridiculous performance, I wondered how he can call himself a man. What makes a man, Soulja Boy? You obviously have a lot to say within your complex rhyme schemes (sarcastic). Now, now…… while I took offense right away by his attempt to be creative here, maybe I was too hasty to judge him. Let us dissect the “man’s” rhyme and make a well informed judgment.

“f–ck all the army troops”

Dayum, you killed the flow on that line, bro! What’s really great is how you appeal to the military crowd by relating to them on such a personal level! I’d want to f–ck me too! Oh, hey… next you should freestyle about their loved ones.

“fighting for what?”

I know… right? I mean, soldiers must do a lot of things for us but I still don’t see why they need to be held up so high by civilians. Things seem just fine over here, Stateside. The economy ain’t that great, but we all make it through. We see these guys on the news all the time and we just see it as a passive form of entertainment. Quite honestly, the war on terror has been the background music of our generation: something that is there but is barely noticeable by us to even care about. Really, what are they fighting for?

“B–ch be your own man”

Yeah, those soldiers sure are good at being told what to do. There’s no way in hell you could ever get me to do that. Don’t they ever make their own decisions? I’d never let anyone tell me where to go, how to dress, or how to act. What a bunch of robots.

“I’ll be flying through the clouds with green like I’m Peter Pan”

DAYUMMMMM!!! That’s it mayn, that’s it! Dude ROASTED those guys!!!! Hahahaaaa, that’s my boy! That’s my SOULJA BOY! Good job on stating your independence from any responsibility in such a complex way. After all, Peter Pan broke all the rules… gravity included.

Long Pause……………….

So, what did you guys think of my synopsis? Would you like to finally see what I really think about this? Here goes:

“f–ck all the army troops”

Pal, you must’ve lost your damn mind. Not only did you disrespect thousands of “real” soldiers who can choke you out with your shirt collar, but you attacked countless family members who put their time in right alongside their soldiers. You, my friend, are a thoughtless buffoon and quite honestly your music HAS ALWAYS reflected this! Furthermore, you slander the memories of my fallen brothers who died for your right to speak such nonsense. How dare you refer to yourself as a soldier. You are a fake, and a self proclaimed impostor. You have displayed no act of valor; did not answer a call to a mission bigger than your own self gain. Show your face anywhere near the front gate of a post and see what happens to you.

“fighting for what?”

We fight for everything that is sacred in your simple little world. Your right to speak; your right to be free to choose; to live in peace; to be provided for. Real soldiers sacrifice their own lives and time with their families so that you may have yours. So while you were in front of a camera rhyming like a two year old, real MEN are out keeping your dumb ass safe. Because we all know you wouldn’t serve something greater than your own selfishness, we raised our hands and swore to a greater power that we would FIGHT with honor and live with integrity. HONOR…. INTEGRITY…. two things your life is lacking, obviously.

“B–ch be your own man”

The only b–ch here is you…. ____ Boy. I won’t even say the first part of your stage name because it is too similar sounding to the word describing what I REALLY AM! Before I entered the service, I was nothing, just like you. I didn’t care about anyone but myself. I lacked discipline, treated my own friends like they were disposable, and spoke to everyone with disrespect. If there is a God upstairs, I am thankful that I had the strength to give up the old tendencies that are very much alive within you… BOY.  Let me tell you something that only a man could explain: You are nothing until you give in to a cause greater than yourself. I became a man when I answered our country’s call and took the pledge. The first time I cited the Soldier’s Creed, I transcended the piece-of-sh-t that you are. And that goes for every MAN that serves or has served in the ARMY. —– B–ch? Hardly, kid. If you were in front of me right now with that gold chain the damn crime scene would look like the end of a Tyler The Creator music video.

“I’ll be flying through the clouds with green like I’m Peter Pan”

Dude, you are just painfully wack. Peter Pan wore tights and sniffed pixie dust. MEN wear the uniform and breathe dust while their sweat and blood define the honorable work they put in for your dumb ass.

To finish, Boy, I will murder you lyrically. Yeah, I’m Army. If you want to see how an Army dude can not only outshine you as a MAN, but destroy your career worse than you already did here…. you made the best move of your life. I have a challenge for you, Boy. Enlist, see what it actually takes for a dumb ass like you to become a MAN, and get back to me when you get that attitude beat the hell out of you. OR…. you could just meet me at the flagpole at 3:30 right after the bell rings so I can hang you up with the flag my brother have FOUGHT so hard to protect. Idiot.

I am Carl Roe, and I approve this message.